All of our relationships have structures. There is a set of expectations between you and the barista making your morning coffee, to the predictability of a good morning kiss from a partner.

Few things are more beautiful than the love, care, and giving that happens in healthy relationships. That can include accommodations and compromise. But, to be healthy, accommodations need to be fully consensual, recognized, and accepted.

It's not uncommon for people in polyamorous relationships to struggle to balance their own emotional needs with those of their partners. This can often lead to challenges in communication and boundary setting.

Have you ever caught yourself blaming others for how you feel or react? When we experience painful or uncomfortable emotions, we often think of them as a problem that needs to be solved because we don’t like feeling them. It’s important to remember that what we feel is ultimately our responsibility and we must reflect on whether the feelings are coming from someone violating our rights or not.

I’ve seen a lot of unhappiness and confusion in relationships when people disagree on what each person owes to the other. It’s unfortunate to see how badly a relationship can struggle when partners clash over expectations and personal boundaries.

Here is an elaboration on how to get to the root of your anxiety and techniques to use for a longer-term approach to healing anxiety.

Anxiety is one of the most uncomfortable emotions and is so common for those of us in marginalized communities. Whether LGBTQ, Kink/BDSM/Leather, engaged in sex work, or non-monogamous, we are exposed to potential judgment from others and ourselves. This gives us extra opportunities for anxiety to present.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a complex condition and, unfortunately, all too common. Understanding the four primary symptoms of PTSD is key to unlocking your way to better understanding and, ultimately, healing.

I’m always pondering communication skills. It seems to me that much of the pain people experience, and cause, in their relationships (and mine, too!) can be averted.

Learning how to talk about our feelings can be difficult. Learning to identify the signals of emotions to help decipher that language takes time and practice.

Every relationship has its own unique challenges, but what I see in many of my client's relationships is that the problem really boils down to one thing: Communication

There are powerful and vulnerable emotions in our attachment-bonded relationships. When the safety and security in these relationships are shaken, our first task is to repair the bond in the relationship. My two favorite tools for repairing relationship bonds are Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the Imago exercise.

If you are in a polyamorous relationship and have an established relationship agreement with your partner(s), there’s a chance that, at some point, that agreement has or could potentially hurt others in the relationship. While this can be unintentional, I understand how it can be painful and feel unfair if you are the one in the relationship who is limited and impacted by agreements.

Mature relationships offer increased intimacy, commitment, security, nesting, planning the future, creating a shared future, and approaching the problems and joys of life as a team. We as individuals need to do the internal work to restore our appreciation for these experiences if we are to prevent our fears and insecurities from being projected onto our partner(s).

We all have a tendency to see the “bad sides” of other people, but sometimes what we see is an exaggerated version of something we fear or dislike about ourselves. Have you ever heard someone say, “When you point your finger at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at you”? This is a common saying, but what is actually going on here psychologically?

I’ve seen a lot of discussion in polyamory forums about the relationship escalator and how to avoid it. What I haven’t seen much about is what to do when you want to expand a relationship and it’s difficult to add more time and energy to that relationship. Growing and deepening a relationship can be difficult when it means negotiating with multiple people.

I once came across a Huffington Post article titled: "BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health." It referenced the scientific study, "Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners" by Andreas A.J. Wismeijer, Ph.D.* and Marcel A.L.M. van Assen, Ph.D. Based on the research findings, BDSM and Kink enthusiasts had better mental health on a number of well-established measures of mental health than their non-BDSM/Kink counterparts.

Five+ years ago, I remember sitting in a cafe near North Miami Beach about to enjoy a celebratory meal. I had just come from my “reveal” appointment with Dr. Garramone, and I was so excited because I got to see the results of my top surgery. For the first time, I saw my ACTUAL chest, whereas before, it had been hidden under “other tissue.”

In every relationship, we place ‘bids’ for connection, where we wager on the hopeful outcome of mutual understanding and love. These bids are the subtle yet powerful gestures, words, or actions aimed at eliciting a positive response from our partners. Just like in gambling, the stakes vary, and the rewards can be rich with love, companionship, and a deep sense of belonging. Conversely, missteps can lead to feelings of rejection and disconnection. Here are some tips for mastering connection, one 'bid' at a time.

For many, marriage brings security and an affirmed identity within the community, reducing anxiety and reinforcing relationship longevity. For #poly couples, the detrimental effects of discrimination can lead to higher rates of depression, anxiety, addiction, and relationship dissolution. They don’t have the option to marry their partners, or all of their partners, process their jealousy, or even process the envy of others who can marry. Here are some tips on how to navigate polyamory in a post-marriage equality era.