Kitchen Table Talks: Navigating Meta Relationships

When it comes to relationships, no two are alike. This becomes especially true in poly dynamics where expectations, communication, and respect extends beyond two people. In polyamory, maintaining your own boundaries while actively listening to the wants and needs of your partners is essential. When considering our partner’s partner (referred to as our ‘metamours’ or ‘metas’) different relationships or levels of communication can develop. 

If you’re new to polyamory, you may not be aware of the various types of meta relationships. Here’s a quick overview of common terms to get you started. 

(Keep in mind that this list is not exhaustive of additional types of meta relationships.)

5 Types of Meta Relationships

  1. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - You prefer not to know that your meta exists. There’s a clear expectation that information about your partner’s other relationships is kept private; you don’t want to know about them. 

  2. Parallel Poly - You know your meta exists, but you’d rather not interact with them. You prefer to not cross paths, remaining parallel in each other’s lives. 

  3. Garden Party Poly (AKA Birthday Poly) - You don’t mind interacting with your meta, but it’s saved for special occasions, like birthdays and garden parties. Your interactions are kept fairly surface-level. 

  4. Kitchen Table Poly - You are comfortable enough with your metas to sit down at a table and share a meal and conversation. It’s a friendly-neighbor vibe with mutual respect. 

  5. Lap Sitting Poly - You might be best friends, friends with benefits, pursuing your own sexual, intimate, or romantic relationship with your metas at this level. This is the closest and most intimate type of meta relationship.

If you are a hinge, it might be tempting to push for a certain amount of closeness between the metas. However, that is something that is NEVER up to the hinge to decide. Only the metas can determine what sort of relationship they will have with one another. Each meta relationship will have its own depth, and the nature of their relationship may change over time, and it's important to respect that. 

Just like with any other relationship, the bond between two metas can only be as close as the wants of the person who desires the least amount of closeness. No matter how much you might wish for a Kitchen Table Poly relationship, if your meta prefers only to meet at birthdays, that’s the extent of the relationship you’ll have. 

Within polyamorous dynamics, respecting everyone’s autonomy is paramount. No matter what you decide for your relationships, ensuring that everyone feels comfortable and respected is the foundation of a healthy and consensual relationship. 

Previous
Previous

You Don’t Have to Make Yourself Small in Order to be Loved

Next
Next

Shaken and Stirred: Navigating Vulnerability in Relationships