How to Have Shame-Free Conversations Around STIs
Would it surprise you if I told you that over half of Americans will get an STI at some point in their lives? It’s true. In fact, the CDC estimates that 1 in 5 Americans have an STI at any given time. So why is there so much shame and stigma around talking about them?
Unfortunately, talking about STIs has stayed out of the public spotlight, even as sex positivity conversations move closer to the mainstream. Common culture perpetuates this idea that folks without STIs are “clean” and those with them are “dirty.” Not only is this belief untrue, but it is also harmful.
Having shame-free conversations about STIs starts with unpacking your own internalized shame about them. Remember that the lines drawn between what is considered an STI are arbitrary to other illnesses. The common cold is easily transmitted between sexual partners, yet we don’t shame people with it. If you wouldn’t feel shame from getting the sniffles after hanging out with a friend, it’s not any different if you contract an STI from a sexual partner.
Educating yourself is a great way to let go of sensationalized fears. STIs are just like any other illness. With advancements in medicine, almost all are treatable. Even HIV treatment has progressed to where folks can live just as long as folks without the virus. If you are concerned about contracting HIV, you can speak with your doctor about preventative medications, like PrEP. I also encourage anyone who is sexually active to get tested regularly so you can find and treat STIs right away.
Being educated about STIs and your body means you have all the knowledge you need to have informed discussions with any partners you have.
Another great way to reshape your conversations about STIs is to have proactive conversations about sex. When you are talking to a new sexual partner, talk about your boundaries and what you need to have safer sex. This might look like barrier protection or how often you get tested. When you have an environment built on open and honest communication, it creates a safe and supportive space to come to a partner if you do contract an STI.
If one of your sexual partners comes to you with the news they have an STI, remember to treat the situation with compassion. Ask relevant questions without putting any moral judgments on them. Depending on how they answer, you can make the best decisions for your health.
Remember, STIs are common.
Talking about them should not fill you with shame. They are just like any other illness that we are at risk of getting from being near other human beings. Learn the facts. I promise you they aren’t as scary as you might think. Remember that most sexually transmitted diseases/infections are easily treatable when caught early. So get tested regularly, maintain your boundaries for safer sex with partners, and continue to live your best life!