Coping Strategies for Dealing with Unsupportive Family
Are you headed home for the holidays? For some folks in the LGBTQ+ community, that means returning to an unsupportive environment with family members that may shame you or make you feel unwelcome. Being around people who don’t accept you for who you are can be exhausting.
If you are in this situation, I want you to know that you are not alone and you deserve to be yourself. Your identity is valid, even if others try to tell you otherwise. Hold onto that truth, and utilize some of these coping skills to make a potentially volatile situation a little smoother.
Before the Event:
Set expectations for yourself. Take some time to manage your expectations. Is there an uncle who has made rude comments in the past? Can you expect a parent to keep the conversation neutral? Setting realistic expectations can help you avoid disappointment or big emotional fluctuations.
Set boundaries with your family. You do not have to come out to anyone you don’t feel comfortable sharing that degree of vulnerability with. If you feel safer remaining in the closet while with family, that’s okay and doesn’t make who you are any less valid. Let your family know what topics you are willing and unwilling to talk about when you visit them.
Have friends on standby to talk to if you need them. Bring supportive people with you if you can. But if you can’t, you can set up a group chat or designated check-in times with your support people who can help remind you that you aren’t alone. You can also reach out to a loved one via text if you need a quick reminder that there are people who love you exactly as you are.
Prepare an exit strategy if things get too intense. Will you have your own transportation so that you can leave if you want to? If you are planning to stay with your family for a few days, will you have a room for yourself or a hotel room? Know the actions you can take to keep yourself safe if the situation grows too intense.
During the Event:
Allow yourself some alone time. If the situation is gets overwhelming, remove yourself and take a breather. Even if it’s just a quick minute or two to re-center yourself, don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
Prioritize your well-being. If prioritizing your well-being means leaving dinner before dessert, that’s okay. You deserve to be in a safe and supportive environment. Don’t force yourself to remain with people who refuse to provide you with a safe space!
Use coping strategies for panic attacks. If you feel overwhelmed, excuse yourself and go to a different area of the house. Try grounding techniques and breathing exercises to slow your heart rate and steady your breathing. Once you’ve calmed your body down, take a moment to process your thoughts. Do you want to return to your family, or is it time to say your goodbyes?
After the Event:
Plan a holiday event with friends and chosen family. You deserve to feel love and joy during the holiday season with folks who support and uplift you. Plan a holiday event to spend time with friends and chosen family to create happy memories.
The holidays can be a confusing and difficult season to navigate. Remember that in any given situation, the only thing you can control is yourself. It’s okay to remove yourself from situations that make you feel unsafe.
Happy Holidays. 💙