Embracing Your Kinky Side
Since I started my work as a psychotherapist, I have proudly served not only the LGBTQ+ and polyamorous communities but also the kink, BDSM, and Leather communities, as well as folks doing voluntary sex work. In that time, I’ve seen over and over again what evidence already suggests; people who practice kink are no more psychologically troubled than their peers.
In fact, according the scientific study, “Psychological Characteristics of BDSM” by Andreas A.J. Wismeijer, Ph.D., and Marcel A.L.M. van Assen, Ph.D., folks who practice kink and BDSM were found to have better mental health and “were found to be less neurotic, more open, more aware of and sensitive to rejection, more secure in their relationships and have better overall well-being,” when compared to the non-BDSM or kink control group.
So many folks have deep-rooted feelings of shame or apprehension when it comes to sexuality, especially if you are into anything that the mainstream culture would label as deviant. Your pleasure and sexuality should be fun, playful, and thrilling.
It’s so important to explore and play in a way that is sex-positive and shame-free.
If you are currently in that cycle of shame when it comes to your pleasure, I encourage you to do the inner work to shed those negative emotions. It can take time, and it may be difficult, but I guarantee that it will be worth it. When you are able to foster an attitude of fun and playfulness, you can open up and embody your pleasure and learn to live in your body again.
As you do the inner work, I will always advocate for you to seek out like-minded individuals and communities that you can interact with and gain access to high-quality education materials. Search for online and in-person groups while always keeping an eye on your safety of course, and find support to lean on as you learn to find joy and playfulness in your desires.
When you seek out educational resources, it’s always important to focus on education that is LGBTQ+ and BIPOC-centered. Some of my favorite resources include Sex Down South, Dr.Liz Powell, and the Resources page on the Aftercare Counseling website.