There’s No Such Thing as Being “Too Much”
I’ve worked with many people over the years who have gotten the message from others that what they want is too much. They’ve been told that the love they need is too great, their emotions are too big, or their demands are too many. As they hear these messages they get the idea that what they are asking for is too much.
Every time I’ve gotten to know one of these clients, I find out that they’ve endured a deep trauma. They’ve been deeply, deeply neglected. Their families weren’t there for them when they were growing up or they were rejected from someone for one reason or another. It’s never that they were asking too much. In fact, if there’s anything I want for you to take from this blog, it’s this:
There’s no such thing as being too much.
If you find yourself thinking you’re asking for too much, I encourage you to look back on your previous relationships with a new perspective—you weren’t asking for too much—they simply didn’t have enough to give you. Read that again; You weren’t too much, they didn’t have enough. Ask yourself why those people didn’t have enough to give you.
Maybe the people in your previous relationships were already overtaxed by something. Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Did they have children or demanding jobs that took up the majority of their time and focus?
Did they have health issues?
Did they have their own trauma history or addiction issues?
Whatever the reason, it still doesn’t mean you were asking for too much. They lacked the capacity to give you the love, attention, or time you needed.
I urge you to start the process of learning to truly love yourself. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you haven't received the love that every human needs to feel the peace they deserve. Then, I encourage you to only accept people into your inner circle who joyfully want to give you the time, love, and attention you need.
If someone starts telling you that you are too much, you do not need them in your inner circle. If you need more help working through this process of self-love, reach out to me. You have the right to love yourself and to only accept love from people who have the capacity to give you what you want and need.